I'm Not Broken

How can I say I’m broken

When you’ve been through so much more than me

More than I could ever even imagine.

How can I say I’m broken

When I’ve been given a life filled with only blessings

And my only problem is myself.

How can I say I’m broken

When I can so effortlessly trick everyone around me into thinking

I’m strong

I’m confidant

I’m smart

I know who I am and what I want and where I’m going and how to get there.

How can I say I’m broken

When I don’t even know myself

I don’t even know myself in the same flimsy way I think I know people around me.

How can I say I’m broken

When I can’t even keep my story straight.

How can I say I’m broken

When you dredge up some of your infinite fortitude

And lay down your heart

Your soul

On the table

How can I say I’m broken

When I see what broken truly looks like

How can I say I’m broken

When I see your hardships

Your wounds

Your struggles

Your pain

When I see your strength

Your perseverance

Your valor

Your hope

How can I say I’m broken

When I think of the most traumatic experience of my high school years as being asked to prom

Even though my Dad died senior year

How can I say I’m broken

When I describe a “family emergency”

As the death of my cat

How can I say I’m broken

When I grew up with two parents who loved me unconditionally

And a sister who was my best friend

And an easy personality

And a genuine love for God

And the best schools

And enough money for anything I could reasonably want

And I never struggled with discrimination

Never had to worry about getting good grades

How can I say I’m broken

When my life has been a dream

What is there to want

When I know I’m surrounded by the most wonderful souls who would

Unhesitatingly

Carve another piece out of their hearts for me

How can I say I’m broken

When the only thing that’s standing in my way

Is me

How can I look into your eyes

Through those fragile windows to just the tiniest sliver of your shattered soul

And tell you I’m broken

How can I say I’m broken

When I don’t even have the faintest idea what broken really means

I can’t say the words

When I really open my eyes to see the brokenness of those around me

I can’t say I’m broken

And I’m definitely not perfect

I must be the nothingness in-between.