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  • Writer's pictureAudrey Tokarz

I'm Not Broken

Updated: Mar 19, 2022

How can I say I’m broken

When you’ve been through so much more than me

More than I could ever even imagine.


How can I say I’m broken

When I’ve been given a life filled with only blessings

And my only problem is myself.


How can I say I’m broken

When I can so effortlessly trick everyone around me into thinking

I’m strong

I’m confidant

I’m smart

I know who I am and what I want and where I’m going and how to get there.


How can I say I’m broken

When I don’t even know myself

I don’t even know myself in the same flimsy way I think I know people around me.


How can I say I’m broken

When I can’t even keep my story straight.


How can I say I’m broken

When you dredge up some of your infinite fortitude

And lay down your heart

Your soul

On the table


How can I say I’m broken

When I see what broken truly looks like


How can I say I’m broken

When I see your hardships

Your wounds

Your struggles

Your pain

When I see your strength

Your perseverance

Your valor

Your hope


How can I say I’m broken

When I think of the most traumatic experience of my high school years as being asked to prom

Even though my Dad died senior year


How can I say I’m broken

When I describe a “family emergency”

As the death of my cat


How can I say I’m broken

When I grew up with two parents who loved me unconditionally

And a sister who was my best friend

And an easy personality

And a genuine love for God

And the best schools

And enough money for anything I could reasonably want

And I never struggled with discrimination

Never had to worry about getting good grades


How can I say I’m broken

When my life has been a dream


What is there to want

When I know I’m surrounded by the most wonderful souls who would

Unhesitatingly

Carve another piece out of their hearts for me


How can I say I’m broken

When the only thing that’s standing in my way

Is me


How can I look into your eyes

Through those fragile windows to just the tiniest sliver of your shattered soul

And tell you I’m broken


How can I say I’m broken

When I don’t even have the faintest idea what broken really means


I can’t say the words

When I really open my eyes to see the brokenness of those around me


I can’t say I’m broken

And I’m definitely not perfect

I must be the nothingness in-between.


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